I feel I should precede this entry with an explanation, or perhaps a warning, of sorts. First of all, I have a tendency to ramble, which makes for a rather long entry (seriously). If you happen to be just passing through, you probably don't want to take the time to read this. I won't hold it against you. Many of you who are reading this I have not had the privilege of meeting. If I do know you, I probably don't know that you are reading. At any rate, this rambling of mine may make absolutely no sense to you. You probably already know what you believe and why and have no reason to read any further. If you are reading to analyze this theology, I assure you that you will find many holes. The thoughts I have written here are far from complete. I also must admit that this theology is heavily influenced by the postmodern culture, the rural, family-oriented, Mennonite community I grew up in, and the young-adult, Anabaptist, academic community that I am now living in. I wouldn't say that if I were in a different context I would still come to the same conclusions. But that is not to say that the theology that I have come to is any less true or correct. Perhaps I am writing more for myself than for you. I confess I feel extremely naive in admitting that I am just now coming to this theology. Yet, as I think about it more, perhaps we do not come to our belief in one moment. Perhaps conversion is not a one time event. Perhaps we grow into our convictions as we are able to see God revealed. Perhaps this theology has been growing in me with increasing clarity and will continue to grow, become more clear, and maybe even change as my life leads me to new experiences, relationships, and new revelations of who God is. And perhaps you too are still wondering, still questioning. Perhaps you too are still growing. So, if you are still with me, I welcome you to continue reading, and perhaps we can grow together.
What do I believe? If there is anything that I know it is that there is a God who created us and this world. No, I take that back. I know that there exists an intimate, powerful force that connects all of humanity and all of creation and ties us all together. It doesn't make sense scientifically or rationally, but this is what I know that I know. I know that this force reaches into the deepest part of me and knows the depths of my soul which I do not even know. I know that this Spirit orchestrates the coincidences of my life and weaves my life together with the lives of others. The threads of our lives are criss-crossed and twisted together, sometimes only meeting once, sometimes becoming so entwined that two threads become one. What other Spirit could do this other than one who created me? And I know that this Creator has worked with such wonderful imagination that even our most intelligent scientists cannot explain this world we live in, let alone the expanse of universe beyond. What other Creator except God is able? So, yes, I do believe that there is a God who created us and this world.
If I believe this, then I must also believe that God desires an intimate relationship with his creation. All of creation reveals the character of God. All of humanity and all of nature was created in the image of God. What God would make such a creation if he did not want to engage it? We are not whole, we are not even possible without God. Yet God did not create a world in which He is the Master and we are the little glass chess pieces. We are each created with intelligence, creativity, soul, and the ability to experience emotion. We are created to be in relationship with each other and with our Creator. Even more than this, we are created with free will. We are created with the ability to make our own choices and direct our own lives, even if we do not choose what God desire for us. Love without choice is not love at all.
This means, then, that there must be a choice. There exists another power in this world, Satan, who is the opposite of God. Just as God gives life to the world, Satan brings evil, destruction, and brokenness into our lives. As in the tempting of Eve, Satan tempts us and lures us with promises of power and fortune, the promise that all our desires will be met. God does not necessarily promise us this. In our humanness we do not always recognize the emptiness behind these promises. We do not always see beyond ourselves. And so things get messed up. Shit happens. And we, individually and communally, are drawn farther and farther away from God, our Creator, our Source. We are left empty. Yet God, in His deep desire to relate with us, and to love us, continues to make his presence known and find ways to draw us back to Him. Throughout history God has made his fingerprints visible in creation, in human relationship, in the Spirit-inspired stories and traditions recorded in Scripture, in the rhythm and pulse of this earth, in the hope and renewal of life. In the depths of our souls His whisper can be heard.
And when humanity just was not getting it, God thrust his hand into history and became human himself. In his desire to relate to us, to share our experience, our emotion, our humanity, he became one of us through Jesus Christ. In his birth, life, death and resurrection Jesus is the fullest image of God that we can see and understand. Jesus embodied the love that God has for us. He acted out the mercy God desires to give us. And Jesus lived out the resurrection from the death-chains of sin that God promises us.
This is a BIG God. This God is bigger than I could ever hope to wrap my mind around. This God is bigger than any image we can see expressed in creation, in ourselves, in history, in Scripture, even in Jesus. This God cannot be understood or pinned down and analyzed. Yet this God is intimate enough to care for every intricate detail and thread in the tapestry of our lives, our world, His creation. This God desires to make himself small enough so that I may know Him, so that I can love Him, because He loves me.
So what does this mean? What does this mean for me, for the world, exactly? It means that God cannot be contained in the doctrine and belief systems of religion. It means that God speaks to everyone, whether they call him God or not. It means that Christians aren't the only ones who know God. It means that no one denomination or church is closer to God or worships better. It means that if I believe that God is embodied in Jesus, and I desire to join God in communion as I was created to do, then I must follow the example and teachings of Jesus' life. If I believe that all of nature and humanity is created and loved by God, then I cannot judge or kill or hate or destroy. It means that I cannot live and act in a philosophy that says my way is right and you're wrong, I'm in and you're out, I'm better and you're not, I'm good and you're bad. It means that I must love instead of hate, give instead of take, heal instead of destroy.
I could read this last paragraph and think "Yes, yes, I believe that. I do that". But how often have I heard about Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, or any other religion or spirituality and thought they have it all wrong? I'm in and they're out. How often have I driven past a neighborhood church and think my church worships or believes better than theirs? I'm right and they're wrong. How many times have I walked past someone who is dirty, smelly and jobless thinking that the mess of their lives is their own doing? I'm good and they're bad. How often do I actually live out these words, rather than merely speaking them? How often does love, generosity, forgiveness, grace, mercy, peace, and kindness effect how I relate to people, how I make my decisions, how I work, how I play, how I shop, how I live my life for the sake of the world? How often do I practice my theology?
Watch your words: they become your thoughts.
Watch your thoughts: they become your actions.
Watch your actions: they become your habits.
Watch your habits: they become your destiny.
Be aware of your destiny, for it will form your habits.
Be aware of your habits, for they will form your actions.
Be aware of your actions, for they will form your thoughts.
And be aware of your thoughts, for they will be reflected in your words.
This theology also means that God is intimately engaged in my life. Even though I do not always see Him, or hear Him, or feel Him, or maybe acknowledge Him, God is there. God knows my past, my present, and my future. It means that God has a purpose for my life and is continually creating me to fulfill that purpose. It means that, if I choose to trust and obey my Creator, every detail of my life is used for that purpose. It means that I cannot always see the big picture, but God can. It means that I am loved unconditionally, unreservedly and undeniably. I means that I am not alone in this life, I don't need to have everything figured out because there is Someone else who will show me the way when I am lost. It means that I am held in the hands that created me, and continue to create me, hands that envelope me, hold me close and will not let go.
Life is a journey. Walk with me.
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