God is Big

One of my favorite memories of this past semester is a Wednesday night at the campus International Fellowship Group. Upon entering the room, after stepping around and over people to find a seat, I was greeted with hugs and kisses and warm hellos. The room was filled with twenty people, or more, from Japan, Vietnam, China, Korea, Ethiopia, Brazil, Canada, and the U.S., chattering in nearly as many different languages. After everyone had arrived we sang together in Japanese while the children played with percussion toys.

The leader that night began with the story from Luke, of two men traveling along the road to Emmaus. As they were walking and talking about what had happened to Jesus, another man joined them and explained the prophecies from Scripture to them. When the two men realized that it had been Jesus walking with them all along, they said "Didn't our hearts burn within us as he walked with us?".

Through the rest of the evening we each shared a story of when we have felt God's presence in our own lives. The stories ranged widely from moments of peace over a decision, finding God's providence in a time of need, experiencing the power of the Spirit by speaking in tongues, or seeing truth in the midst of doubt. Yet each one there had a story to share. Each one has known distinctly the burning in their hearts when God is near.

If there is anything I have learned this semester, it is that God is BIG. God is bigger than anything I can imagine. God is far bigger than any word that we can use to describe him. All the words in every language could not begin to describe the greatness of our God. Even the words written in Scripture cannot contain our God. God is bigger than any theology that we can study or any Truth that we think we can know. God is bigger than all my questions. And He is bigger than any answer I can come up with.

Yet God has chosen to create us in such a way that we can know Him, just a little. Out of His great love, He makes Himself known in every detail of our lives, every corner of our world. And what more profound way can He make His love known, than through a baby, born to unmarried peasants in first century Palestine? What way can He love us more than by becoming one of us, living like us, and dying for us? And then He gave us the gift of His Spirit, to walk with us, to guide us, to whisper His love to us and set our hearts on fire with His love.

I have learned that God is bigger than the piles of homework on my desk. He is bigger than any plan I can dream for my life. He is bigger than lost jobs and crunched budgets. He is bigger than wars and violence. He is bigger than lonliness and depression. He is bigger than grief. He is bigger than questions and doubts and anger. He is bigger than our insecurities and failures. He is bigger than our sin. But He loves us so powerfully, so deeply, that He walks with us along the journey, all the way. He is greater than what we can ever begin to wrap our minds around. Yet He wraps His arms around each of us, and holds us as closely as Mary once held Him.

May you know the greatness of God this year, even in the midst of questions.

Giving Thanks

This year I am most thankful for.....

Finding a home in a new community.
Friends who fill the lonely places and care so well.
Sunshine, snowflakes, colored leaves and raindrops.
A family who always greets me with open arms.
My sketchbook and knitting needles, which keep me sane.
Memories of late nights giggling with my sisters and cousins.
Finding hope and joy in the midst of struggles.
The adorable toothless grin of my little brother, the sweetest guy I know.
Health and safety and God's constant provision.
Being able to ask questions, being okay with not having the answers, and imagining the possibilities.

May you all be as blessed in the next year as I have been blessed this year.

Paul and Women in the Church: Transcending Culture into the Kingdom

One of my recent assignments was to study what Paul teaches in his letters concerning women in the church. This is no small issue. Women are increasingly using their gifts in leadership ministries and the wall of opposition we are faced with is tall. It doesn’t help that the New Testament seems to be so contradictory. In Romans Paul commends several women who are leaders in the church. In 1 Corinthians and 1 Timothy he writes that women should not even be allowed to speak in church. How are we supposed to interpret these Scriptures? And, if we believe that the Bible transcends history and culture, how are we to apply Paul’s words to the church today? Scholars are still divided on this issue, but I read some commentaries on the passages where Paul speaks to women in the church that offered some new and interesting insights. If you want to read farther, Willard Swartley's book Sabbath, Slavery, War & Women is a good resource.

Galatians 3:28
In this verse Paul distinctly writes that in Christ the social and spiritual norms of worldly culture no longer apply. In reading the Gospels, we can clearly see how Jesus worked to change the social structures that oppressed his culture in his time, not just bring an eschatological spirituality. Thus, the church is called to live out this new order of equality in the world as it shares in Christ's work of redemption.

Romans 16:1-16
Many believe in this passage Paul does not necessarily speak to women in leadership in the church, just women who serve in the church. An analysis of the Greek linguistics is important in translating this text.
• Phoebe: Paul uses the word diakonon, an unofficial word denoting someone who serves the church, but a masculine noun that he also used to describe himself, Apollos, Tychicus, Timothy, and even Christ. Paul also names her as a prostatis, a benefactor who would have provided financial support and housing for Paul and other missionaries like him, possibly even representing them to the courts. She would have been a wealthy woman of some influence. One can imagine that she most likely held considerable authority, even over men.
• Prisca: Paul obviously believed she played an important role in the church and for an unknown reason wants the church to know she and Aquila risked their lives for him. It is interesting, though the reason is not known, that Paul names her before her husband. She hosted a congregation in their home, and she and Aquila worked with Paul to spread the Gospel.
• Junia: Many Bible translations have changed this name to the masculine form, Junias. The earliest copies of Romans, however, clearly speak of a woman. The translation of her name is important to know because Paul also names Junia as “prominent among the apostles”. Not merely a friend of the apostles, but one of them. Junia would have been a missionary alongside her husband, spreading the Gospel and forming churches like Paul and Peter.
• The other women that Paul names are titled saints or workers of the church. The word that Paul used here for “work” is one he often used when speaking about preaching and teaching.

1 Corinthians 11:2-16
• The Greek term for “head” that Paul uses here is “source” or “origin”, not “holding authority over” as it is often translated. This still denotes inequality.
• Paul uses the argument of nature here, a popular debate tactic in Hellenistic culture and Jewish rabbinic thought. The inequality that Paul expresses here could easily be accounted to his history and the thought processes he's learned. Paul Jewett makes note that this passage is Paul writing from human influence, as his arguments are “incompatible with (a) the biblical narratives of Man's creation, (b) the revelation which is given us in the life of Jesus, and (c) Paul's [own] fundamental statement of Christian liberty in the Epistle to the Galatians.”
• In the Hellenistic era wearing a head covering was a sign of femininity, much like wearing a dress is today. Not wearing a head covering, or having cut or unkempt hair, was a signal that the woman was “available” and could be propositioned, like prostitutes or unmarried women.
• Women in the church often saw themselves free of the social norms and apparently were not wearing their coverings in church. Paul was calling them to continue to maintain self-control. You can imagine what might happen in the church if it became fairly common for women to come to church dressed as prostitutes.
• Paul writes that “just as woman came from man, so man comes through woman”, implying mutuality, if not equality, between men and women in the church.

1 Corinthians 14:34-36
• An analysis of the Greek text and the original copies show that this passage may have been inserted by a scribe or copier of the text and was not originally written by Paul. If these two verses were removed from the text, the writing would continue to flow seamlessly.
• This argument contradicts Paul's earlier address to women in the Corinthian church. In that passage he acknowledges that women are permitted to speak in the church, he only admonishes them to wear head coverings when they do so.
• This command that Paul writes is addressed to “the churches”, rather than just the Corinthian church, which seems unusual for a letter addressed to a specific church.
• Appealing to “the Law” as he does in verse 34 is uncharacteristic of Paul.
• In that time it was not appropriate for women, particularly married women, to speak in public independent of their husbands, and doing so was a breach of their marriage vow.
• A pagan cult worshiping Bacchus was very prevalent in Corinth and was popular among women. It was also a very ecstatic worship. Paul would have probably been appropriately speaking in these verses if the women of the Corinthian church were worshiping in the same ways common in this cult.

1 Timothy 2:11-15
• Scholars have now come to the conclusion that Paul most likely did not write the pastoral epistles of 1 and 2 Timothy, and would not be responsible for this command. Part of their reasoning for this conclusion is that this text is nearly identical to 1 Corinthians 14: 34-36.
• Earlier in the 1 Timothy letter the author warns against false teachers bringing heresy into the Ephesian church. These male teachers often targeted women, who were then more accessible and more susceptible because they were not trained in the Scriptures. Thus, the women in the church could have been speaking these false teachings and leading others astray.
• The words “quietness and subordination” denote a readiness to accept teaching and direction, not necessarily being mute in the church.
• The verb form for “permit” is in the present tense, indicating that the author was instructing women to learn the Scriptures well before they would be allowed to teach or speak to the church.
• The term “have authority” probably means to be overbearing, or to “seize authority”, not that women were to not hold authority at all in the church.
• The author was not necessarily disallowing women from ever speaking or teaching in the church. Rather, he was wisely instructing them to be trained and directed in the Scriptures before they taught.

The church needs to acknowledge that Scripture is written by humans, copied by humans, translated by humans, and read by humans all in different cultures and value systems. Need I also say that most of these have been males? The letters of Paul are not always entirely relevant to the church today, and they are still subject to biases and prejudices that are not theologically correct. For example, Paul often the argument from the creation account that women came from men. Using rules of nature, or what seemed to be rules of nature, was a popular argumentative method in the era Paul was writing. Today Paul's argument doesn't hold much water, especially considering that the creation story is essentially a myth. We really don't know how humans originally came to be. The church must found its practices on the teachings of Jesus, not solely on Paul. Richard B. Hays, in his commentary on 1 Corinthians, wisely speaks to the problem of interpreting what Paul was saying to the first century church and applying his words truthfully to the church today. “Our hermeneutical responsibility is to recognize these tensions where they exist and to make theologically informed judgments about how the different texts speak to our situation.” As Paul's words in Galatians proclaim, the church is called to transcend the social norms of culture and live in the new order which Christ began.

So the question remains, what does this mean for women in the church today? Paul's letters still contain important truths that are relevant to the church today, even those texts that do not affirm women in ministry. Paul breaks down the gender roles implied by society in Galatians. The church today still has far to go in abolishing the oppression of women. Paul takes great measures to encourage and affirm the work of women alongside his affirmation of male church leaders in his letter to the Romans. So too should the church today be affirming of all ministers, male or female. In 1 Corinthians Paul calls the congregation to maintain self-control and hold its leaders accountable, a calling no less relevant today, of all the church's leaders. Finally, as the author of 1 Timothy instructs, women should be taught and directed in Scripture with the same opportunity as men are taught. Women should have equal opportunity to not only learn in the local congregation setting, but to learn in the university and seminary setting as well. Women are created by God just as men. They have the same gifts and are just as able to receive a calling from God to minister to the church. Paul specifically names women who were missionaries, church founders, teachers, preachers, deacons, pastors and apostles. God calls all the redeemed to preach, to teach, to spread the gospel, to care for the congregation, to join in his work to redeem the world. Paul's commands to women to be silent are no longer relevant to contemporary culture. Yet his calling to transcend cultural oppressions and to be transformed into the Kingdom of God echoes through the centuries to speak just as loudly to the church today.

This makes me wonder how is the Church causing oppression in other ways because of the ideologies and influences from our culture? How is the Church using words written by humans, raising them up as infallible, and justifying the destruction of the Kingdom? It's time the Church looks past the words written in our Holy Bibles to the truth revealed to us in Jesus Christ. Can I get an Amen!?!

Who Are Our Enemies?/Will You Dance?

You have heard that it was said, "Love your neighbor and hate your enemy." But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. -Matthew 5:43-44

Yesterday I attended a chapel service led by several Peace Studies students. Their message was provocative, but very much appropriate. I would like to say that I don't have any real enemies. I was challenged to look deeper inside myself and become aware my gut reactions, or soul reactions, when I see or hear about someone who does not hold the same views that I do. To use some examples from the service- How do I react when I see pictures of military personnel, or listen to someone with political views or theologies that are not my own, or when I see someone on the highway with a Confederate flag on the back of their truck or driving a Hummer, or when I sit in on a worship service at a right-wing church or even a church that is not like my own? Do I have a heart that is open and prepared to notice what gifts these people are as creations of God, just like me? Do I truly love my enemies?

This evening I attended an International Fellowship group that meets on Wednesday nights for Bible study. This is a group of diverse nationalities- Canadian, Korean, Ethiopian, Japanese, Vietnamese, Indonesian, Paraguayan, and American. Tonight we studied Matthew 9:35-38-

When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."

Together we imagined what it would have been like to be among the crowds, harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. These people would have been oppressed by the Romans, over-worked, over-taxed and underpaid. Many were also oppressed by sickness, depression, hopelessness, and demons. As we worked to contextualize this experience in our world today we heard stories of genocide in Congo, religious and political oppression in Ethiopia and Vietnam, the struggle of the church in Japan, even students here at AMBS who are faced with the often lonely process of questioning their faith and theology. In particular, an African-American woman in the group shared her story of facing oppression from white-supremacy groups right now following Barack Obama's election and the danger she experienced even last week. It is easy to feel safe in our own little bubbles, but the world is so much bigger than the communities we live in. The world is unsafe for many, even our very own neighbors. We might be living a nice, neat, wealthy life. But just down the street or across the globe is someone who is very much feeling harassed and helpless. The harvest is plentiful.

Then we shifted to imagining how the disciples felt as Jesus sent them into the harvest. As they looked out over the crowds and later traveled through Galilee, the task before the disciples must have seemed huge, even impossible. How were they to do the very miracles that Jesus had been doing? How were they to free all these people? And we asked the same questions of ourselves. How are we to bring the Gospel to all nations? How are we to free the oppressed? How are we to stand as a light and bring the love of Christ to our neighbors, and to the world? The number is so huge and the solution seems so impossible. What are we to do? The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few.

As I listened to these stories and these questions, my mind returned to the challenge of the peace service yesterday. And I asked myself- What do I feel when I hear these stories? What is my soul reaction when I think of not just the oppressed, but also the oppressors? And I realize that I do have enemies. When we hear these stories it is easy to be overwhelmed with fear for our world, our nation, our communities, our lives. And it is easy to forget that those who kill, those who take, those who threaten, those who judge, are created and loved by God just as much as you and I. It is easy to forget that they also are a part of the harvest. It is easier to be blind than to look at the pain and evil in the world and in our nation. This, I believe, is exactly what Satan wants us to do.

So how are we being called to work among the harvest? What can we do? We can pray that "the Lord would send out workers into his harvest field", and that love would reign over hate. We each can do our own part in the places we are and with the gifts that we have (yes, you do have gifts and there is something you can do). We can tell our stories and the stories of others who are being oppressed. We can listen to these stories. We can open our hearts to be aware of who our enemies are and how our actions may be reflecting our "soul reactions". We can choose to act in love rather than hate, or even apathy. We can give a smile or kind word, or even offer our friendship to someone who does not look like us, or vote like us, or believe like us. We can stand for justice and mercy. The question is no longer "What can we do?" but "What will we do?"

Once in a while
the time is ours to look inside.
Once in a while we get the chance
to take the floor and then to dance.
And for awhile all the world will stop
to watch us dance or watch us flop.
Looking for love,
it's the heart of the dance.
Looking for love,
it's the heart of the dance.
So now it's your turn.
So tell us, what will you do?
Will you stand strong in love?
Will you do unto them as you hope they might do unto you?
Or will you run off and hide?
Look away so you don't see the tear in their eye?
And now it's your turn.
Tell us, what will you do?
Sometimes we like to turn away,
and live to dance another day.
Sometimes we sit here on the side,
afraid to dance and full of pride.
So often it seems we've all been told
of the words from days of old-
walk humbly, with just mercy your guide.
Walk humbly, with just mercy your guide.
Cause now it's your turn.
Tell us, what will you do?
Will you stand strong in love?
Will you do unto them as you hope they would do unto you?
Will you run off and hide?
Look away so you don't see the tear in their eye?
Now it's your turn.
Tell us, what will you do?
Now it's your turn.
What will you do?

-Herm Weaver, "What Will You Do?" from Stories and Songs for the Road

Will you dance?

Still I Will Fly

And I choose to fly

like a bird in the sky

when the wind blows so strong

and I just can't hold on.

I find the strength to let go,

admit I don't know

how the journey might end

with my face in the wind.

Still I will fly.

A hope that rides high on the wind

yet often crashed to the ground

when the storms hangin 'round.

How to fly high and far

when you let your hope grow.

You know you never can know.

You just gotta let yourself go.

Just gotta let yourself go.

So i choose to fly

like a bird in the sky

when the wind blows so strong

and I just can't hold on.

I find the strength to let go,

admit I don't know

how the journey might end

with my face in the wind.

Still I will fly.

And those dreams

that burn in the soul

and move the seeker from home

to travel roads all alone,

they move the timid to try,

to take to the sky.

You know deep down inside

we're all yearning to fly.

We're all yearning to fly.

So I choose to fly....

Herm Weaver, "Still I Will Fly" from Stories and Songs for the Road

This I Believe: more of a rambling than a discourse...

I feel I should precede this entry with an explanation, or perhaps a warning, of sorts. First of all, I have a tendency to ramble, which makes for a rather long entry (seriously). If you happen to be just passing through, you probably don't want to take the time to read this. I won't hold it against you. Many of you who are reading this I have not had the privilege of meeting. If I do know you, I probably don't know that you are reading. At any rate, this rambling of mine may make absolutely no sense to you. You probably already know what you believe and why and have no reason to read any further. If you are reading to analyze this theology, I assure you that you will find many holes. The thoughts I have written here are far from complete. I also must admit that this theology is heavily influenced by the postmodern culture, the rural, family-oriented, Mennonite community I grew up in, and the young-adult, Anabaptist, academic community that I am now living in. I wouldn't say that if I were in a different context I would still come to the same conclusions. But that is not to say that the theology that I have come to is any less true or correct. Perhaps I am writing more for myself than for you. I confess I feel extremely naive in admitting that I am just now coming to this theology. Yet, as I think about it more, perhaps we do not come to our belief in one moment. Perhaps conversion is not a one time event. Perhaps we grow into our convictions as we are able to see God revealed. Perhaps this theology has been growing in me with increasing clarity and will continue to grow, become more clear, and maybe even change as my life leads me to new experiences, relationships, and new revelations of who God is. And perhaps you too are still wondering, still questioning. Perhaps you too are still growing. So, if you are still with me, I welcome you to continue reading, and perhaps we can grow together.

What do I believe? If there is anything that I know it is that there is a God who created us and this world. No, I take that back. I know that there exists an intimate, powerful force that connects all of humanity and all of creation and ties us all together. It doesn't make sense scientifically or rationally, but this is what I know that I know. I know that this force reaches into the deepest part of me and knows the depths of my soul which I do not even know. I know that this Spirit orchestrates the coincidences of my life and weaves my life together with the lives of others. The threads of our lives are criss-crossed and twisted together, sometimes only meeting once, sometimes becoming so entwined that two threads become one. What other Spirit could do this other than one who created me? And I know that this Creator has worked with such wonderful imagination that even our most intelligent scientists cannot explain this world we live in, let alone the expanse of universe beyond. What other Creator except God is able? So, yes, I do believe that there is a God who created us and this world.

If I believe this, then I must also believe that God desires an intimate relationship with his creation. All of creation reveals the character of God. All of humanity and all of nature was created in the image of God. What God would make such a creation if he did not want to engage it? We are not whole, we are not even possible without God. Yet God did not create a world in which He is the Master and we are the little glass chess pieces. We are each created with intelligence, creativity, soul, and the ability to experience emotion. We are created to be in relationship with each other and with our Creator. Even more than this, we are created with free will. We are created with the ability to make our own choices and direct our own lives, even if we do not choose what God desire for us. Love without choice is not love at all.

This means, then, that there must be a choice. There exists another power in this world, Satan, who is the opposite of God. Just as God gives life to the world, Satan brings evil, destruction, and brokenness into our lives. As in the tempting of Eve, Satan tempts us and lures us with promises of power and fortune, the promise that all our desires will be met. God does not necessarily promise us this. In our humanness we do not always recognize the emptiness behind these promises. We do not always see beyond ourselves. And so things get messed up. Shit happens. And we, individually and communally, are drawn farther and farther away from God, our Creator, our Source. We are left empty. Yet God, in His deep desire to relate with us, and to love us, continues to make his presence known and find ways to draw us back to Him. Throughout history God has made his fingerprints visible in creation, in human relationship, in the Spirit-inspired stories and traditions recorded in Scripture, in the rhythm and pulse of this earth, in the hope and renewal of life. In the depths of our souls His whisper can be heard.

And when humanity just was not getting it, God thrust his hand into history and became human himself. In his desire to relate to us, to share our experience, our emotion, our humanity, he became one of us through Jesus Christ. In his birth, life, death and resurrection Jesus is the fullest image of God that we can see and understand. Jesus embodied the love that God has for us. He acted out the mercy God desires to give us. And Jesus lived out the resurrection from the death-chains of sin that God promises us.

This is a BIG God. This God is bigger than I could ever hope to wrap my mind around. This God is bigger than any image we can see expressed in creation, in ourselves, in history, in Scripture, even in Jesus. This God cannot be understood or pinned down and analyzed. Yet this God is intimate enough to care for every intricate detail and thread in the tapestry of our lives, our world, His creation. This God desires to make himself small enough so that I may know Him, so that I can love Him, because He loves me.

So what does this mean? What does this mean for me, for the world, exactly? It means that God cannot be contained in the doctrine and belief systems of religion. It means that God speaks to everyone, whether they call him God or not. It means that Christians aren't the only ones who know God. It means that no one denomination or church is closer to God or worships better. It means that if I believe that God is embodied in Jesus, and I desire to join God in communion as I was created to do, then I must follow the example and teachings of Jesus' life. If I believe that all of nature and humanity is created and loved by God, then I cannot judge or kill or hate or destroy. It means that I cannot live and act in a philosophy that says my way is right and you're wrong, I'm in and you're out, I'm better and you're not, I'm good and you're bad. It means that I must love instead of hate, give instead of take, heal instead of destroy.

I could read this last paragraph and think "Yes, yes, I believe that. I do that". But how often have I heard about Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, or any other religion or spirituality and thought they have it all wrong? I'm in and they're out. How often have I driven past a neighborhood church and think my church worships or believes better than theirs? I'm right and they're wrong. How many times have I walked past someone who is dirty, smelly and jobless thinking that the mess of their lives is their own doing? I'm good and they're bad. How often do I actually live out these words, rather than merely speaking them? How often does love, generosity, forgiveness, grace, mercy, peace, and kindness effect how I relate to people, how I make my decisions, how I work, how I play, how I shop, how I live my life for the sake of the world? How often do I practice my theology?

Watch your words: they become your thoughts.

Watch your thoughts: they become your actions.

Watch your actions: they become your habits.

Watch your habits: they become your destiny.

Be aware of your destiny, for it will form your habits.

Be aware of your habits, for they will form your actions.

Be aware of your actions, for they will form your thoughts.

And be aware of your thoughts, for they will be reflected in your words.

This theology also means that God is intimately engaged in my life. Even though I do  not always see Him, or hear Him, or feel Him, or maybe acknowledge Him, God is there. God knows my past, my present, and my future. It means that God has a purpose for my life and is continually creating me to fulfill that purpose. It means that, if I choose to trust and obey my Creator, every detail of my life is used for that purpose. It means that I cannot always see the big picture, but God can. It means that I am loved unconditionally, unreservedly and undeniably. I means that I am not alone in this life, I don't need to have everything figured out because there is Someone else who will show me the way when I am lost. It means that I am held in the hands that created me, and continue to create me, hands that envelope me, hold me close and will not let go.

Life is a journey. Walk with me.

Praise the King

This post is about a month too soon for the Thanksgiving holidays, but it's never too soon to be thankful. Especially as the weather gets colder and the days get drearier, I need as many rays of sunshine in my life as possible. One of my favorite "thankful" songs to listen to is "Praise the King" by Cindy Morgan. It's a good reminder to praise God for the big things and the little things, a great song for all those with a sentimental side like me. :)

Praise Him in the morning for tall and lofty trees
And praise Him in the evening for children on their knees
Oh and praise Him in the noon day for gentle birds that sing
Oh praise Him all ye people
Praise the King
And praise Him for a peaceful porch and rocking chairs that sway
Praise Him for the rolling hills where children laugh and play
Oh and praise Him for the wandering soul that never lost their way
Oh praise Him all ye people
Praise the King
And praise Him for the blood that fell and bloomed a rose that day
And praise Him that He suffered through the guilt, the grief, the shame
Oh and praise Him that His tender love will still forgive today Oh praise Him all ye people Praise the King

So anyway, here's my list.

Praise Him for the sound of leaves crunching underfoot and the sound of raindrops on the roof, for warm quilts sewn by grandmothers, curling up on a quiet evening to read a good book, for simple pleasures like milk and oreos or a warm cup of tea, for laughing with roommates and listening to songs from our childhood, for hugs from friends, for reminders to just slow down and be, for cards from my brother "just in case you were feeling sad", for two-hour phone calls with friends far away, for knitting, for imagining, for naps, for living with questions and finding the possibilities, for the stories and traditions of our lives, for family, for prayers. Praise Him that He is more than we could ever imagine. Praise Him that He is big enough to know our highest joys, our inmost sorrows, and our deepest longings. Praise Him that He is Creator of all, Lord of all, and Lover of all. Praise the King.

Martha

I can't believe this. She's just sitting there! Mary, my sister, is just sitting there, while I try to get everything ready. There's so much to do! I mean, Jesus is staying at our house. He's one of our closest friends! And not only is he our friend, but a prophet. He's been traveling all over Judea teaching, and healing. You should have seen some the things he's done! And some the things he says.... I may never understand. It's like he's trying to turn our whole world upside down. I heard that on the way here he told a story of a Samaritan helping a Jew. A Samaritan helping a Jew! But there's something about him... something that just grabs you and won't let go. Or maybe it's that you want to grab hold of him and never let go. Whatever it is, people are noticing. People come from miles around just to hear him speak, or to have him touch them and be healed. Wherever he goes there's always dozens following.

So of course I opened my home to them when they came to Bethany. What a privilege to have him teaching in my house. Jesus and all his disciples are here, in my house! Of course, everything has to be just perfect for them. What would Jesus think of me if it wasn't? He was willing to risk enough to come into a woman's home. How could I shame him more by not serving him well? But there's so much to do! Everyone should have a place to sit, or at least stand, where they can hear him teach. Oh, and the ones who need to be healed should be in the front. God forbid they tear my roof apart like they did at another house! And I'm making the best meal! Jesus will love it! No one will go away hungry tonight. He and the disciples have been traveling around for days now. Their clothes are filthy and I've already noticed patches that need mending. Of course they are tired and dirty and hungry. They deserve to be taken care of.

That's why I can't understand how Mary can just sit there listening, while I obviously could use some help here. Look at her! What does she think she's doing? Can she not see that there is yet to be food on the table? Or that Jesus' cup needs filled again? She ought to be helping me. She ought to know better. I'm surprised Jesus is even allowing her to sit there, listening like one of the disciples. We're not here to listen! We're supposed to be serving Jesus. She's supposed to be helping me. She's my sister! Jesus is probably just waiting for her to come to her senses and get to work. Well, I've had enough of this.

Master, don't you care that Mary has left me to do all the work by myself? Can't you see how much needs to be done? Tell her to come and help me!

What? Mary is doing the right thing? You don't want me to make dinner for you and the disciples, or mend your clothes, or even find seats for all these people? You don't want me to do any of those things? You just want me to sit? You want me to listen? I only need to sit here, at your feet, and listen? You really are turning me upside down.

Questions of a Seminarian

Who is God, anyway? How do I put words to my theology? How do I put words to God? How does God reveal himself to us? Who is the God revealed in Scripture? How is God one but three? Who is Christ? Who is the Holy Spirit? If God is so big, how can he be close enough to care about all the little details of my life? What do I believe, really? What is the Church? What is the purpose of the Church? What does the Church mean for the world? How does the Church relate to the world? Why are the things we do in church important? Are they important? Who are all these theologians I'm supposed to be learning about, and what exactly are they trying to say? What exactly is the "emergent church" and the "new monasticism movement"? What do they believe? Why is it different? Is it good? Is it true? How is the Church changing with our culture? How is the Church being called to change? Is the Bible really true? If it isn't, what does that mean for me? What does that mean for the Church? What does that mean for my theology? What does that mean for my image of Jesus? How do I teach children stories that I don't think are really true? If the story of Creation isn't true, how were we created? If I don't believe the Bible is historically true, how do I bring that to the church without getting thrown out? If I don't know that what I base my faith on is actually true, what does that mean for other religions? What do I believe, really? How do I relate to others who don't believe the same as me? How am I being called to live in this world? How am I being called to live in my community? How do I enter into this community when I've only been here two months? Has it really only been two months? How do I be a friend for people who I'm just learning to know and probably will only be here a year or two or three before we all go off to different places again? How are Mennonites supposed to respond to government? What do I think about politics? Who would I vote for? Should I vote? What should be done for our economy? What should I do to promote social justice? How should I pray? How do I listen? How do I live simply and quietly and openly in such a busy world that demands so much of me? Who were the mystics? How did they do it? Who am I? How am I being changed? What am I being called to do? How can I return home having been so changed? How do I share what I'm learning with my church? How do I answer these questions? Do I need answers? When will I ever have time to find answers?

I find it ironic that I leave my home and my job, pay (or go in debt) large amounts of money, spend all of my time listening to lectures, reading textbooks and writing papers, and end up having more questions and feeling more confused than I was before I came here. If anyone else also has questions, or is fortunate enough to have a few answers, please share! I'd love to talk about some of these things further. :)

Don't Be Afraid

Through the past few weeks our news, our conversations, our thoughts have been filled with fear and anxiety. We have anxiety for our nation and for our world, for our political leaders and our economy. We carry fear for our futures and our security. We fear change. We fear that the lives we have known may not be tomorrow. Mothers and fathers fear for the safety of their children. Children fear for the safety of their futures.

Here at AMBS, as we are entering the throes of a new school year, I have heard other fears and anxieties. We fear that we are not able to succeed. We fear that we will fail. We fear that the work will be too much. New students are anxious as we enter this new community and build new relationships. Soon-to-be graduates are anxious as they prepare to leave this familiar community and look to the many uncertainties of their futures.

There are many fears and uncertainties: fears that have been spoken, fears that have been hidden, deep fears that cannot be spoken with words but only tears, fear that plagues us and bears down on us. As I have listened to these fears, and carried some of my own, a song has been echoing through my mind. It is a hymn, sung as a lullaby, inviting us to rest in the arms of God and find peace in His promise.

Don't Be Afraid

(Sing the Journey, 105)

Don't be afraid. My love is stronger,

My love is stronger than your fear.

Don't be afraid. My love is stronger.

And I have promised,

Promised to be always near.

Bread of Life

     This morning I drove to church feeling very overwhelmed, having major assignments due every day this week and no hope for rest until the middle of next week, just before another week of the same. This morning was one of those many times in the past months when I have felt alone, given a general direction by God and then left to manage all the details on my own. It makes me mad. I could have cried. This was how I began this morning.

     I arrived at church just as the service was about to start and had to rush to find a seat. I had only been to this church once before, so I was sitting beside people I had never met. Yet I was immediately reminded why we had gathered this morning. Today is World Communion Sunday, a day when Christians all over the world gather to celebrate the body of Christ. This morning as I struggled with my own worries, I listened to stories of others on this journey. Jesus invites us to notice his presence along the way. I listened to stories of others who have faced stormy times, or carried heavy burdens, or were challenged to "step out of the boat". And I heard how each found life in the midst of it all. Jesus is Life.

     As I gathered with this congregation this morning I was reminded of the image of the bread. The flour and water and yeast are mixed to make one loaf, and then the loaf is broken and dispersed to produce more fruit. Just so is the body of Christ. As I prepared to join this congregation at the Lord's table I looked around me at all who were gathered. This congregation truly lives up to its name, Assembly, as people of all walks of life gather to worship and fellowship. In this church I see the body of Christ. But we were not the only ones who were present in that place. Today I heard or sang songs in Bangladeshi, Swahili, Spanish and English. I raised my hands in prayer for our brothers and sisters around the world. And as I worshiped in a strange place, I remembered my home congregation and my family there. And I thought of friends worshiping with other congregations. At the Lord's table we were given the choice of rye bread for North America and Europe, tortillas for Central & South America, pita bread for the Middle East, or sticky rice for Asia, remembering that all are part of the body of Christ. Today Christians of all races and nations, all ages and genders, all histories, all classes, all sexual orientations, and all traditions gathered at the table to celebrate their unity in the Body of Christ. Jesus is the Bread.

     Later, after the service, I joined other friends in celebrating the first birthday of a beautiful little girl. I was again reminded of the Body as these friends from Canada, Paraguay, Asia, and the US came together. I hummed as others sang Happy Birthday in German and listened to conversations and stories in German, English and Spanish. And we all sat in the living room drinking matte together as friends. It is only in Christ that this can happen.

     I am not alone on this journey. All around me are others who are also walking. Some have gone before me to light the way, some are behind me whom I may lead. And some are beside me, walking with me, encouraging me and supporting me. For this I am deeply thankful. In remembering this Body I found strength and peace. I could have cried. In this Body I find life. Jesus is the Bread of Life.

Spinning in Circles

I was recently reminded of a Japanese top. When you first spin one of these tops it twirls around in wide, seemingly undirected circles. If its motion slows too much these circles become so wide and uncontrolled that the top falls. Or, as the top turns, the spinning will quicken. The circles the top draws become smaller and smaller, until suddenly the top actually turns upside down onto its stem. There it spins in place, in motion yet still.

Life is like this top. Oftentimes our lives seem like they are spinning out of control. We waver in undirected paths, trying to find where we belong. Ironically, I've noticed that these times often begin when we feel the most in control. We get caught up in the mind-numbing routine of our comfortable lives. Yet we begin to draw a wider and wider path away from our Center until we feel completely lost and alone. But sometimes we are drawn quicker and quicker towards the Center until we release our own wills to the will of God. In that moment our lives are turned upside down and we are able to be still. That is, at least until we become comfortable that we are in control again. Or until other unforeseen circumstances knock us off our tracks.

What circles has your life traced around our Center God? When are the times that you have felt farthest away from God? When have you felt lost, alone, or overwhelmed? What circumstances have knocked your life off course?

What has drawn you towards God? What are those centripetal forces that pull you closer to the centering presence of God? Can you name times when God has turned your life upside down because you were able to release your own will and claim His? How are you able to be still?

Perhaps if we were more inclined to be still and perhaps vulnerable rather than busy and comfortable, we would not so easily fall. Perhaps if we let go of those moments when we feel in control, and cling to the practices and moments that pull us closer to God, we would be able to be still and at peace.

(If you are interested in learning more about prayer and spiritual practices, check out authors like Marjorie Thompson, Richard Foster, Henri Nouwen, Thomas Merton, or Philip Newell.)

Fingerprints (continuing the conversation)

I feel compelled to write again, my last post seeming unfinished and, perhaps, misleading. I must stress that the issue of historical accuracy is a heavily debated issue, though perhaps not in the church. The church tends to only portray one view, and that is that the Bible is Holy and contains no error. But, many many scholars have found evidence to support both views and produce viable arguments. The only thing that anyone really knows is that no one really knows. But if we are to be honest we need to be willing to admit this. The issue that I want to address is whether or not historical and literary accuracy really matters to our faith.

The question that immediately rises to my mind is- Am I believing in something that may not be true? If I were placing my faith in the absolute truthfulness of the Bible, then the answer is yes, possibly. But I am not. My faith is in the God of the Bible, not the Bible itself. So the real question is- Does the Bible portray a God who is true? The answer to this question I firmly believe is YES.

I believe that all of Scripture is God-breathed and Spirit-inspired. God uses Scripture as his way of revealing himself to us, in a way that we can understand. John Burke, in chapter 7 of his book No Perfect People Allowed uses a good analogy to explain this.

Imagine if you as a three-dimensional creator created a two-dimensional world. You are Almighty Creator of Flatland! These two-dimensional people can move forward and back, left and right, but they have no comprehension of up or down. You can watch their every move from above, but they can't even comprehend you as a 3-D Creator 'above' watching in. You can do miracles in their world--your finger could appear and disappear. They can't imagine where it came from or where it went. Now, you could remain completely hidden, and they couldn't even comprehend your existence in another dimension. But what if you wanted to relate? If you wanted them to understand you--even love you? You would have to take the initiative to reveal yourself in 2-D descriptions, or in a form they could comprehend--because they cannot possibly 'see' you unless you pull them out of their two-dimensional world 'up' into your 3-D world. But you could penetrate their 2-D plane of existence, appearing as a flat, round, two-dimensional slice of your finger. In that form, you could help them see, not all of your 3-D splendor, but as much as is flatly possible for them to understand in two-dimensions.

Rob Bell also uses this analogy very well in his video Everything is Spiritual (definitely recommended).

Applying this analogy, it makes sense that God would use stories and writings to reveal himself. In the eras when the Pentateuch (first 5 books) and the rest of the Old Testament were being formed, the primary source of passing along information like this was through oral repetition of stories, chronologies, events, law codes and sayings. Legends and myths were also very important during this time, just as important as historical data is for us today. Cultures of this time used legends and myths to explain what they did not know (i.e. creation, formation of many languages, etc.). This explains why you can find many similar stories in different cultures and religions. It makes sense that God would also use legends to reveal himself to his people.

I also believe that God's hand orchestrated the creation of the Scripture writings. It is important to remember that God created the minds that imagined these stories, the mouths that told them, and the hands that wrote them. God's fingerprints were visible in the stories of ancient Israel. The scribes who wrote, translated, and re-wrote the Scriptures saw these fingerprints and were able to compile them into what is now the canon, so that God is revealed through the story of his people Israel. This was the purpose of writing the Scriptures.

The same can be said for the Gospels and the Epistles, though the historicity of these books is probably more accurate because their writers were much closer to the actual event. When Israel just wasn't getting it, God thrust his whole hand into our 2-D world and became one of us through Jesus Christ. The writers and editors of the Gospels then wrote how they saw God revealed in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. The writers and editors of the letters to the first-century churches were writing about how they saw God revealed in the life of the church, Christ incarnate.

The word used to describe the order of the books of the Bible, canon, means "reed" or "measuring stick". The Bible was not meant to be a chronological historical account of a nation. It was meant to be the theological story of God's love for his creation, us. All we have to do is look for His fingerprints.

I Just Love Jesus

This morning I sat in my Reading the Bible class and listened as the professors almost completely deconstructed my view of the Bible. I grew up with the holy stories of Abraham and Jacob, Moses and Joshua, and the people of Israel forming the foundations of my faith, and the faith of those who taught me. The Bible was Holy, it was truth and was absolutely, unquestionably, true. Anyone who claimed otherwise was just not Christian. Or, at least that's what I thought. Until today...

Today I learn, from the lectures and several other scholars in preparation reading, that the stories of the Israelite Jews and the first Century Christians may not be, and in many cases probably are not, entirely true. It is clear from studying the Scriptures that Moses did not write Genesis through Deuteronomy. There is no historical evidence of an exile from Egypt, or even a Jewish presence in early Egypt. The earliest available evidence of Israel in the land of Palestine is in the early Iron Age (1200 BCE). Even then their settlements were scattered and very much like the other Canaanite settlements. There are no signs of complete destruction of the city of Jericho. Many of the practices of Judaism, like circumcision, were also practiced by other religions of the Canaanite cultures. Even further, Jesus was not as much of an "oddball" in his time as what we may think. It was actually fairly common for people to claim they were the Messiah or the Son of God, do miracles, teach a radical new tradition of faith, build a following of disciples, and even ascend into heaven. Some of them weren't even Jewish.

The majority of the Old Testament books were written during and after the Babylonian exile in 539 BCE. They are a compilation of stories and sayings passed down through the generations, primarily orally, and the writers often changed and edited the accounts to fit their ideologies. The New Testament was formed in much the same way. None of the Gospels were actually written by disciples of Jesus. Though by the time the New Testament was written most of the Old Testament had already been formed and the Gospel writers used each other's accounts in their writing, the primary source for passing along these stories and traditions was through story-telling, orally. The writers of the books of the Bible were human, able to write with a biased perspective and able to make mistakes. This means that the stories that are now held to be True could have easily been myths and legends passed down through the generations, or exaggerated by the writers to support their theology, or details (like the name of the city being destroyed) could have been mixed up.

The Bible is not an historical account of a nation. In fact, this was never the primary concern for the writers of the Bible. It is, rather, a theological story (history) of a nation being created and molded by their God, their identity. Myths and legends were just as important then as historical data is to us today.

And this is what they're teaching me in seminary.... ;) If you are like me, by now you are completely questioning everything you've believed about the Bible. How do we know what is true? How do we acknowledge that the Bible is not fully true but still hold Scripture as authoritative? On what do we base our faith?

Does it matter? Does it really matter that some, or many, of the details in the Bible are not correct or true? Is our faith really founded on the historical account and accuracy of the Bible, or the story of Scripture? Regardless of inaccuracy, the story of Scripture is a passionate story of a God who loves that which He created and is forever working to redeem His children into the kingdom of heaven. It is this God, this story, this Way that the scribes were working to portray. What God is so full of love and grace? What story has so vibrantly lived throughout the generations? What Way has so powerfully shaped our lives and our world? This is Truth.

There are still many questions to be answered. The issue of Biblical accuracy is heavily debated among scholars. Sometimes I feel so naive among so many who know so much. And yet, as I walk along the lakeshore listening to Jesus teaching, the whole world has just opened up, and each day is a new journey to see what God reveals. I've been doing some work the past several days on entering into the story in Luke of Jesus calling the first disciples. I am always surprised that Simon, James, and John immediately left everything that they had to follow Jesus. What did they see in Jesus that drew them to him? What prompted them to such action? Perhaps my experience has been much the same as theirs: surprising yet delightfully true, so true that it sinks into your very soul and requires you to act.

One of my professors shared the story of a discussion between he and his wife on this very same issue, in which his wife responded "You do what you want, I just love Jesus." May we all just love Jesus. :)

Lord, I Have Come to the Lakeshore

As I was journaling last evening, uninvited the words "Lord, I have come to the lakeshore" came to mind. With these words came several images. The lakeshore is always a place that brings peace. The rhythm of the waves, the quiet breeze from the sea, the calling of birds or fishermen, the sand and pebbles beneath my feet. It is a place where I can come to find rest.

And as I walked along the lakeshore with my mind full of the events of the past two weeks, I was led through stories and images of the lakeshore. I remembered the story of Jesus standing on the lakeshore, calling his first disciples to leave their fishing and follow him. I saw Jesus walking along the shore, teaching and healing the people. I hear him telling Peter to put his nets out again, on the other side, to bring in such a catch that his nets are overflowing. And then I see him reaching out to grasp Peter's hand as he loses his faith and sinks into the depths of the sea. I see Jesus with his arms outstretched, calming the stormy waves. And I hear Jesus calling to the disciples, inviting them to join him for breakfast on the beach.

While I continue to walk along the shore, I notice the rocks rising from the sea, sharp and jagged. And I pick up a pebble, clean and smoothed by the rushing waves. As I look behind me, I see footprints dancing through the sand, two pairs where I have walked by Jesus' side, one where he has carried me.

As you walk along the lakeshore, what do you bring with you? What do you see? hear? touch? smell? What do you notice? As you remember the stories of Jesus walking along the shores of the Sea of Galilee, how do they speak to you? What are his words to you?

Lord, You Have Come to the Lakeshore

(Tu Has Venido a la Orilla)

Cesareo Gabarain

Lord, You have come to the lakeshore

looking neither for wealthy nor wise ones.

You only asked me to follow humbly.

O Lord, with your eyes you have searched me,

kindly smiling, have spoken my name.

Now my boat's left on the shoreline behind me;

by your side I will seek other seas.

You know so well my possessions;

my boat carries no gold and no weapons;

But nets and fishes- my daily labor.

You need my hands, full of caring,

through my labors to give others rest,

and constant love that keeps on loving.

You, who have fished other oceans

ever longed-for by souls who are waiting,

my loving friend, as thus you call me.

O Lord, with your eyes you have searched me,
kindly smiling, have spoken my name.
Now my boat's left on the shoreline behind me;
by your side I will seek other seas.

splatexperience

Check it out- www.splatexperience.com

Pentecost

I will pour out my Spirit upon all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams.

New Hope

In my work at a mental health center I have built relationships with people in the community who seem to have lost all hope. They live in the margins of society, struggling through poverty and despair. Their families are broken and divided by divorce and torn relationships. Children write letters to their parents in jail. Teens are forced to become adults because their mothers are too drunk to care. Fear, anxiety, and depression grips their lives. Chaos is the only lifestyle they know.

Yet, in the midst of this darkness, I see clearly the light of God. Let me share a few of these stories:

A few months ago I was visiting with one of my clients, a 15 year-old girl. Her mother is an alcoholic who is unable to maintain a job, and her relationship with her father is nearly non-existent. This girl and her mother eek a living from monthly child-support and welfare checks. One day as I as visiting with this girl, I listened as she vented her frustration and anger towards her mother, her father, her older brother, her grandmother, and even her friends. Her life has been filled with so much disappointment and broken promises. She has never had a relationship in which she felt fully loved and accepted. In fact, she firmly believes that she, herself, is a disappointment to everyone she knows because they do not love her, and that she can depend on no one but herself. As I listened to her story and her pain, I began telling her about Jesus and how much He loves her. Tears sprang to her eyes and for one instant I glimpsed the possibility of hope. But, nearly as quickly, the doubts took over. "How do I know?" She could not trust that Someone would truly love her and accept her just as she is.

I have not returned to this conversation since then, but I know that hope is blooming. We talk often of her dream to go to college and become a writer. You see, even though she has grown up in a home of pain and brokenness, God is creating her to be a beautiful young woman. I am sure that He will use her for a special purpose some day.

Another of my clients is a 13 year-old girl. She just recently moved into a new apartment with her mother and younger sister after living for several months in a homeless shelter. Previously the family had been living with her step-father and younger step-brother until her mother and step-father separated. She visits with her biological father often, but has never had a relationship with a steadfast, positive, father-figure. She constantly battles depression and low self-esteem. She attempts to gain attention and acceptance from males through very inappropriate dress and behavior, and unfortunately she has learned this from her mother. Yet, the family has now turned to the church to find the meaning for their lives that they've been seeking.

One more of my clients is an 12 year-old boy who lives with his mother and two half-brothers. This boy and his 15 year-old brother have been court-ordered to attend therapy after they broke into a local convenience store several months ago. He aces all his classes at school but has been placed in a constricted classroom because he can't sit still for more than 10 minutes and refuses to accept any authority. During the summer he stays at home by himself while his mother and older brother work. In the evenings he either helps care for his 2 year-old brother or runs freely around the neighborhood while his mother drinks until she can't stand up. His visits with his father are normally spent frequenting the local bars. And he thinks this is normal. But last week this boy was able to go to a week-long camp hosted by a church. When he returned he could barely contain his excitement to tell his therapist and I of everything he did, even singing some of the hymns he learned.

These are just three of many, many stories of lives shattered by pain. And yet there is hope. There is new life blooming in the midst of the brokenness. There is light shining through the darkness. That light is the unfailing love of God reaching out to bring his children home. It is my dream to one day build a sanctuary for these people. A place where their physical and emotional needs are readily met. A place where they can come and find hope and healing. A place where they will be loved and valued. But most of all, a place where they will find Jesus.

The Church

Tonight the Vision Team of my church met to process how we've heard God calling Glade (quite loudly too) to move forward. A large part of our discussion was centered around the strengths of our outreach and the importance of small groups in the growth of our church. Several examples were mentioned of churches who were based on small groups, rather than the gathering of the larger body for Sunday morning worship, and how they've grown. One example was the Meserete Kristos Church (previously Ethiopian Mennonite Church) in Ethiopia. The church began out of a Mennonite missions work and was forced to go underground when the communists took power over Ethiopia. The church met in homes in groups no larger than 7, worshiping, praying, fellowshiping and communing together. After 20 years what had been a church of 5,000 became a church of 50,000. In 2004 MKC was a community of nearly 250,000 with an annual growth rate of 12.5%. (Wikipedia.org) It is churches like Meserete Kristos who embody the community of the first century Christians, and even the early Anabaptists. In these churches Christ is clearly alive and moving.

I'm wondering what a 21st century church would look like if it were completely shaped around the model of the church described in Acts. The key quality seems to be small groups, or house churches. The first Church met primarily in homes in smaller groups, and then met in a larger gathering to celebrate the life that was occuring in the house churches. The Church was not a place, but a people.

Another key aspect was that their small groups were centered around discipleship and spiritual formation. These groups prayed together, walked together, learned together, and grew together. New members were taken under-wing and adopted into the family, and rigorously discipled into the community of faith. Their time together was not only about fellowshiping together or even worshiping together, though both were a very large part. These groups met together to learn this new way of life that Jesus had taught, and how to walk with God in the world they were in.

A third key was their attention to the physical needs as well as the spiritual needs. The book of Acts tells how the congregations shared all of their possessions and resources, keeping nothing for themselves. Everyone was equal and no one went without a need met. The Church was a family, rather than an institution.

A fourth element was their tradition of sharing the Lord's Supper together at every meeting. The church consiously created a space for Christ to enter into their worship, just as they would another member of the group coming to join them. It was habbit to seek out the presence of God in their lives and in each other.

So what would Glade look like if the First Century church became the new 21st Century church? Rather than having the primary worship gathering on Sunday mornings in the churchhouse, the church would worship, fellowship and disciple together separated in small groups. And the members of these groups would come with a desire to learn and grow together.

What if the Church became a place where people knew that their needs would be met, no matter what they were? Glade is already providing for a need through the Angel Food ministry. How can we continue to meet needs? Maybe opening a community sharing table for garden produce, or a store where you can buy something you need with something you don't need. With the rising gas prices, why don't we carpool to church? I can almost guarantee that that would also lead to the return of the old tradition of sharing Sunday dinner with church families. The need for a nursery ministry during the worship service was mentioned tonight at our meeting. Imagine, if you will, a Church where not only did people bring ministry to their work, but they brought their work to the Church. This may just be a crazy idea, but what if the Church was where people came to see the doctor, or to get their car fixed, or to build their house, or to get their education? What if the Church was not a place, but a community?

And what if at the center of this community was the light of Christ, shining brightly to reach the world with His love and grace? I can guarantee that this church would not be contained within the walls of a building on 5011 Accident Bittinger Road. And I can guarantee you that this church would change this community. This is the Church of Christ.

A few months ago I wrote a paper on the topic of the Church for a scholarship application that ran along these same ideas. I'd like to conclude this entry with the conclusion of that paper-

As in Jeremiah’s vision of the potter shaping the clay as it seemed best to him, molding it, changing it, even breaking it, so too is Christ shaping His Church. He is calling the Body to return to the image of the first Church, a community of passion, grace, hope and service. The Church is called to remain steadfast in the mission to preach the Gospel until all peoples and all nations have had an opportunity to know salvation. The Church is called to embody Jesus’ teachings and live in righteousness, in “right relationship” with God. A renewed movement is needed to call the people to Truth. The Body of Christ is called to be the hands and feet, the ears and eyes, of Christ, to humbly kneel in order to meet both the physical and spiritual needs of the people. The Church is called to stand as Jesus did, with open arms ready to love and walk with all who accept Him. The Church is called to be a sanctuary for the lost and broken, lighting the Way to the fulfillment, purpose, and joy of an intimate, personal relationship with Christ. The Church is called to be united once again as one body, serving one purpose, living one faith, and fulfilling one mission. And with Christ as the head, this Body will continue eternally as the Bride of Christ.

Standing on the bank of the river Jordan (part 2)

My last post was part of a journal entry I wrote a week ago. After hearing comments from several people, and thinking more about the parallels between the Israelites and our church, I feel compelled to post the rest of my journal entry and even add to it.

...And as I stand here, on the bank of the river Jordan, I ask myself "Which of these am I?".

At first I think I am one of those who are ready to go and cross the river. I am on the Vision Team, working to discern the future of the church. I am one of the leaders of Glade. I have a dream for this people, and have spent hours talking with others about how God is leading us. I know what awaits us on the other side of the river (or at least I can imagine it) and I want to go there.

Or do I? As I stand here looking down on these waters, I realize that I am not ready to take that step forward. I, too, hold back. I am afraid, mostly, that we will not be able to cross the river. Some may. But not all. I am afraid that we will become separated. Our family, our people, will become broken by the changes and the ensuing hurt and conflict. I am afraid that we will stumble and fall,. we will lose our way, and we will fail. So, I think, that I would rather stay here where I am comfortable, and where I will not have to endure that pain and conflict, where I will not fail.

But then I wonder, will we remain comfortable here? Will we avoid completely pain and conflict and failure if we stay here? Or will we continue to wander in circles, and continue to return to the bank of the river Jordan, until we are ready to follow and cross over into the land that God is leading us? And I wonder if we are making this too difficult for ourselves. Why don't we just forget our fears and lay down our burdens, and cross the river? A little like taking off a Bandaid. You know it's going to hurt and you really don't want to do it. But if you do it really fast and don't look, it doesn't hurt as bad and it's soon over. But crossing a river is not like taking off a Bandaid. You can't do it fast and you do have to watch where you are going. To cross a river you have to move forward one step at a time.

Are we able to take that first step? Are we ready to look away from the waters and rocks, and keep our eyes on God? Are we ready to step out of our comfort zone and leave behind our fears and burdens to go to the land God has promised us? Can we trust God completely to lead us and care for us? Can we trust him to heal our pain from the past? Can we trust him with our fears and doubts and uncertainties? Can we trust that we are not grasshoppers, but that we are created in God's image and that we are great, because in Christ all things are possible? Can we trust that if we do stumble and fall or lose our way, for we are not perfect, that God will be there to catch us and lead us back to His way? Can we take that first step into the river Jordan?

Can I? Can you?

As I have continued to walk with this story this week I have been repeatedly reminded that standing on the bank of the Jordan was not the end of the story. The people of Israel did take that step into the river to cross into the Promised Land. And the moment that the priests placed their feet into the rushing waters was the same moment that God revealed His power. The roaring waters were stopped, the river was dry until the foot of the last Israelite to cross over stepped onto the ground of the Promised Land. Yes, taking that first step was difficult. They spent 50 years getting up the courage to stick their toes in. But after Israel chose to trust and follow, God did all the rest. And so he will do with the people of Glade.

But notice what stood in the middle of the Jordan as the people crossed- the Ark of the Covenant. And notice what guided the people each day as they journeyed to the Promised Land- the pillar of God. The Israelites were able to cross the Jordan only when the presence of God was at their center. When they looked at the river and the giants on the other side, they failed miserably. But when they looked fully on the Spirit of God moving before them, that was when they were able to follow.

And so too is the Spirit of God moving before Glade. Over the course of a month we have joined together in a visioning retreat, welcomed eight new brothers and sisters in baptism, called a woman to serve as elder through the lot, and installed a new pastor. I have listened to, and joined in, vibrant conversations dreaming about what our congregation can become. God is indeed moving among us, stirring things up, and calling us to break camp and move forward. I no longer believe that we are facing a question of "if", but "when". And perhaps we have already taken that first step of faith into the river.

But in order to become the Church that God desires us to be we must create a church where Christ is the true center, a church who is guided solely by the Spirit of God, and a congregation who seeks the living presence of God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength. That is not to say that Christ is not the center of Glade, or that we do not follow the Spirit of God, or that we do not seek the presence of God. But I believe God is calling us to become more, else we would not be hungering as we are.

Like the Israelites, we are looking at the giants and the river we must cross. And we are afraid. Yet if we would move our eyes to the living presence of God moving among us, we would see that the river is already dry and the giants are already defeated. As a congregation we must first create space to listen to the voice of God, to see the hand of God, and to feel the everlasting, overwhelmingly powerful love of God, in our worship, in our fellowship, and in our service. This must come before forming the new programs, or starting the new projects, or beginning the new buildings. For it is only when our eyes are filled with the face of God that the fears, doubts, worries, and uncertainties fade away. It is only then that we are able to take each step and walk faithfully. It is only then that we are able to cross the river Jordan into the land that He has prepared for us.

Standing on the bank of the river Jordan

Here we stand, on the bank of the river Jordan. The journey has been long and hard. The road has not always been smooth and straight. There have been many times of stumbling. There have been times of pain and hurt, times of sorrow and grief. There were times of conflict, tension, anger, and frustration. There were many times of fear and doubt. There have been times of wandering, and questions, and uncertainty. There have been many times when we have felt lost, and alone, and afraid.

Yet we have known countless moments of joy and peace. There have been many times when we could see the path clearly, and even though it was not easy, we trusted the Lord to carry us through. Yes, there have been times when the presence of God, the breath of Yhwh, was so close and alive in our spirits. We have grown into a family, one people. And we know that we are being created and formed into a people for God's great purpose.

And now the pillar of the Lord has led us here, to the banks of the river Jordan. O, we want to follow. We want to obey. We want to cross over into this land God is calling us into. But we don't know what is in the land on the other side of this river. We dream that we will find the joy and hope and peace of the presence of the everlasting God that we long for. But we fear that there may be giants there, giants that make us seem like mere grasshoppers.

So we stand here, poised on the banks of the river Jordan. We stare down into the murky waters rushing by with a nearly deafening roar. Even from the bank we can feel its breath-taking coldness. The water is so muddy, there is no hope of clearly seeing the bottom. And we know that, hidden beneath the rushing water, there are countless sharp, jagged rocks paving the bed of the river. We know that this is the river we must cross if we are to follow the Lord into the land he is calling us to.

There are many who are ready to go. They are ready to jump in and plunge forward. Their eyes are bright with excitement and anticipation. They speak words of encouragement and promise. There are also many who hold back with uncertainty. They are hesitant to step into the cold water, away from their comfortable camp. There are some who see the rushing water and think of the jagged rocks beneath, and they are afraid that we will be hurt or become torn apart from each other. There are some who see how muddy the water is and how unclear the path. They are afraid we will lose our way. And there are some who think of the giants in the new land, and they are afraid we will be beaten down and fail. Yet there are more who have carried heavy burdens to this place, and they are just too weary to go any further.

And as I stand here, on the bank of the river Jordan, I ask myself- Which of these am I?

Light

I stand before You
My Maker, my King
You search every part of me,
Every corner of my soul
Revealed in Your light

I am broken and torn,
Confused
Afraid
Empty and weary
I am yearning for more
But I cannot see it
I cannot see Your light
I am broken and torn.

You raise up my head
And I see Your eyes
Your eyes
They shine in Your light
"Come to me, my Beloved"
Your light
Your love
Your grace
Sweeps over me

And I am free
Free from fear
Free from doubt
Free from the chains that bound me
In my emptiness
Your light fills me
In my brokenness
Your light completes me

You raise me up
And I can see
I can see who You created me to be
Filled with Your light
I lift my hands
I bless Your Name
I am Yours
My Maker, My King

He who began a good work in you....

The theme for our Honduras trip this year was Philippians 1:11- "May you always be doing those good, kind things which show that you are a child of God, for this will bring much praise and glory to the Lord." This was the purpose and mission of our trip. But by the end of our time in Honduras we had another passage that voiced our prayer for those we had worked beside and played with and held and listened to and helped in some small way.

Philippians 1:3-6 says "I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus"

The medicines and school supplies and the gifts and the money, and all the hugs and laughter and love we brought with us seems so small compared to the great needs of the people of Honduras. And yet God promises that He can take those small things and multiply them, just as He multiplied a few fish and loaves of bread to feed over 5,000 people. He will use the small things that we offered to Him and use it to reach these people whom He loves. Even though we may not have been able to see the fruits of our work, and what we did seems so futile, God promises that He will carry on the good works that He began until the day of Christ Jesus.

What we felt at the end of our trip characterizes how I often feel about other ways that I have served. It seems that what I do is so small and incomplete. I've often built relationships with people and hopefully planted a seed in their hearts. Yet I rarely am able to see the fruits of those seeds. When I leave my job to go back to school I will have been working with most of my kids for almost two years. I've cared for them, prayed for them, and loved them. I've seen many of them make great strides in their lives, while others are still taking baby steps. I have dreams for these kids and what they will become. Yet God is calling me elsewhere and I won't be able to see the fruit of the seeds that I've worked so hard to plant. But in these verses in Philippians, God promises that He will complete these works that He has begun in the lives of these children. These children, my kids, God's creation, are never out of His sight or far from His hands. God will continue to work in their lives, to shape them and mold them, and hopefully one day they will find their way home to Him.

This is my prayer for all the seeds that have been planted, both in Honduras and here in our every-day lives.

Work as ministry

I teach the youth Sunday school class at church and we just started reading "When There's No Burning Bush" by Gary Morsch and Eddy Hall a few weeks ago. The book has been great in pointing out how we are each called to be ministers, in whatever we are doing. Ministry does not, and should not, always happen on Sunday morning in a church service. In the book the authors quote a pastor who said that the church is most the church when the pews are empty, when the congregation is scattered during the week. We are all called to be ministers in our day to day interactions with others. Even those of us who have "secular" jobs, work not directly related to the church, are called to minister in those places.

One of the stories the authors shared in the chapter we discussed this week was about a man who worked in a funeral home. He was becoming very frustrated and dissatisfied with his work, always dreading getting up in the morning, until he went to a ministry seminar. Then he began praying that God would send at least one person during his day that he could minister to. And each day that prayer was met. This man began to look forward to going to work each day because he wasn't necesarily going to work, he was going to his ministry. It wasn't that his job changed, or even that the people he met changed. His entire attitude towards his work changed.

In this chapter the authors also gave three keys to creating ministry in a "secular" workplace: Meeting a need, engaging others with love, and striving for excellence. In the midst of all the busyness and rush of our lives, it can be easy to lose sight of our true purpose. Yet, even if we don't work in a place that is a Christian workplace or directly related to the church's ministry, we can still work with the attitude of a servant. We can still work to meet the needs of our coworkers, customers, clients, even family and friends. We can still meet others in an attitude of humility and love. And we can still strive to do our best work in everything we do.

My class decided to challenge ourselves through this week to change our attitudes in the workplace and in school to an attitude of servanthood, to ask God to bring into our paths at least one person to whom we can minister to. Join us in this challenge and see what happens. And let me know how it goes!

Stepping Out

I've been thinking lately about ministry and using our gifts in the church. Recently I was looking for someone to teach the children's lesson during the worship service. There are several people in my church who have repeatedly shown a gift of relating to children and speaking the faith language at a level they can understand. Yet when I tapped a few of these shoulders they all refused, saying they just were not comfortable being in front of the congregation. This seems to be the "broken record" response to shoulder tapping in my church when it comes to serving during a worship service, and even in the larger life of the church. Thus the same small group of people get stuck doing everything all the time.

Now, I understand that not all people in the church are called to serve in this way. This is not meant to be a guilt trip for anyone who has ever responded with a polite "no, thanks". If everyone was leading worship, there wouldn't be anyone to lead. Yet why do people always balk at the thought of "being up front"? Public speaking is the most common fear. Why? Why are people who have such wonderful gifts so afraid to share them with the church? Is the problem in the heart of the individual, or is it in the heart of the church? When someone is willing to lead worship, or teach a children's lesson, or even preach, are they met with sincere encouragement or criticism?

I'm thinking that the problem is not just in the anxiety of the individual. There is also a problem in the openness and encouragement (or lack of) they are met with. The church needs to be a place that is safe for people to explore their gifts. The church as a whole (not just the pastor) needs to encourage and inspire the individual. The church also needs to call the people to step out of their comfort zone, to stretch their limits, and find what God is calling them to become. The church should be a place where people can openly practice and develop their gifts.

Many people in the church do not find those things. Yet I have. I remember when I was younger and did something during the worship service, even if it was just playing piano during prelude, I could almost always expect to find a note from our pastor thanking me and encouraging me to continue using my gifts. I'm not sure I would still be as involved in the church as I am today if it had not been for those nudges to keep pushing myself beyond my comfort zone. I grew up in a family who has always been involved in the life of the church and I was always offered opportunities to serve. It was through these experiences that I began taking steps outside of where I was comfortable. That circle has become larger and larger, and I have gone places and grown in ways I would have never imagined. I never imagined that I would go to school to study ministry and become so passionate about the church and faith. I never imagined that I would lead worship or preach or teach Sunday School. Yesterday I shared with my church family the next step in my journey- seminary and master's study at AMBS. Even two years ago I would not have seriously considered going to seminary. The dreams I dream today never even entered my imagination. But it has been during those times when I have willing stepped out into the unknown and have done things that scared me or made me nervous that I have experienced God most closely. And, even though I would have never imagined becoming what I am today, I can't imagine being anything else. And I attribute much of this to the support that I have received from my church family. But I don't feel that it is the same for everyone. As my church has gone through a couple pastoral transitions in the past several years, I'm afraid that this source has become somewhat lost. There are three key things that need to be in place in the church- a call to the individual to "step out fo the boat", opportunities to safely find, practice and develope gifts, and sincere support and encouragement along the journey. What can the church do to build a culture of call? How can the church journey with people as they dream and imagine and become the people God is creating them to be?